Friday, August 3, 2012

Schedule, schedule, Wherefore art thou, schedule?

Kickoff might look something like this
Ok, so since I'm committed to writing three times a week this season, I'm thinking that I owe you some extra special knowledge. I mean, as much as I try to deny it, I realize that I have to know more than my readers now. I need to anticipate your needs, your wants, and your questions. The only way to do this is to simply tap into my inner eager-to-learn football fan (or in this case, just my lazy inner football fan) and start from scratch. First thing I want to know: When does football season start? This, I should know. However, like most of you, I don't. So let me tell you's a lil rough out there for someone who has a few simple questions about football. This is why I started Chick 101! 

My thought process went something like this: "Hmmm, I'd better know when football season starts. I'll begin there, I shall! And henceforth, everything else shall fall into place. (Apparently I'm thinking in an Old English dialect these days. That's not worrisome or anything.)

I shall Google, "When does football season start?"!!! This will be an easy search. 

Alas, no.

First thing I get is one of those Yahoo Answers forums. You know the ones, where someone asks THE WHOLE WORLD a question and random people write answers. And then you read them and totally think they're accurate...until you get to the bottom and they start to contradict each other. And sometimes they are illiterate. And racist. And that's funny because I wasn't even searching about people?? And then you have to re-Google. 

Next, I clicked on the link to the website re: schedule. It's so f*&^%$ randomly confusing for no reason. Here are a bunch of tabs. Oh, here's one..."The Senior Bowl"!!?? Dude. Old dudes playing football? Huh? Totally distracted from my mission. I click on it. 

Complete gyp. They mean seniors in college. Duh. MIS-leading, people. Misleading! And all this is besides the point, what is the schedule!?!? 

Well I'm happy to report that I finally figured it out...with no help from any sports enthusiast websites I might add. This is what I wanted to find but couldn't find, so I'll do it myself and share it with you all. Easy. Simple. Just the facts. 

(And more stuff to know, a la Chick 101.) 

**APRIL 26TH-28TH, 2012: 
NFL DRAFT was held at New York City's Radio City Music Hall. With the first pick, the INDIANAPOLIS COLTS selected QB ANDREW LUCK from STANFORD. You should know this. 

PRESEASON STARTS. It already has. Don't worry about it. Go about your August vacations/lazypants couch time business and just gear up. I CANNOT be bothered with this crap.

**SEPTEMBER 5TH, 2012 (WEDS): 
It's a Wednesday. Just to throw you off. Don't let this happen to you:
Guy: "Football season starts today! Wooooo!"
You: "Wait, today? It's a Wednesday! I knew it was soon, I needed at least a week to mentally prepare for the NFL to take over my house/public dining areas/whole life for 5+ months!"
Consider this your warning. Wednesday, September 5th. Cushion the blow by calmly saying to your dude, "Crazy how this year the season opener was moved from its traditional Thursday night spot in order to avoid conflict with the Democratic National Convention, huh?" 
Mess with them. It's fun.
(The defending Super Bowl champions, the NY GIANTS, are hosting the DALLAS COWBOYS at 8:30pm ET.)

**DECEMBER 30TH, 2012 (SUN): 
Not to be confused with "The End of the Season." That comes later.  
Held at the Superdome in New Orleans, Louisiana. This is really far away. More on this later. 

And now I feel slightly less confused and ashamed. Bring it. 
Until Monday :)

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...