A little teaser...

Miami Dolphins: Series Preview

Here is the trailer for the show Hard Knocks on HBO that I've been telling you about. I also managed to find the full episodes of 'Hard Knocks: Training Camp with the Miami Dolphins,  on youtube here. I do not own this footage, and who knows how long it will stay up there so watch away!

You can always go to youtube.com and search for 'Hard Knocks: Miami Dolphins." It looked like most of the episodes were up there. I know I've talked about this show before but I cannot emphasize enough how

Drum roll, please.....

SJP on GLEE!!

So I've been given the green light to tell you that my mom, the fabulous Luana Jackman Waimey, was working with the iconic Sarah Jessica Parker on Glee yesterday!! I TOLD you guys it was major.

She says to report that "she is very smart, gracious and generally lovely" and that she "weighs no more than 8 pounds." Which we already knew but it's good to get confirmation. ;)

I obviously asked her what she was wearing but she said that if she told me she'd have to kill me...or they'd ship her off to Siberia. We can't have that, now, can we?

Anyway, I thought you guys should know since I left you all hanging yesterday!

Until next time!

So...I'm kind of annoyed.

It just so happens that today my mom will be on the set of a MAJOR show on a MAJOR MAJOR network, with a MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR star and, apparently, she'll get thrown in jail if I tell you any of the details. Boooooo. But congrats, Mom, I hope you have fun!

What I'm going to do is this...I promise to keep you posted as soon as I'm allowed to tell you what's going on. I'm also going to go ahead and count on the fact that the sports enthusiast in your life is having their fantasy draft sometime this week or next. I'm also hoping that you guys will re-read this classic post and pass it along to your friends. :)

Enjoy and STAY TUNED!!

Fantasy Football: Kinda Like Playing Barbies

Remember back, if you will, to when you went over to your friends' house to play barbies. Maybe you brought your own, maybe you played with theirs. Usually the host provided the settings (Barbie Corvette, Barbie Malibu Dream House, Barbie Surf Shop) and perhaps some snacks. Then the "playing" began--which, from what I remember--consisted of setting things up for a couple of hours, playing for five minutes, and then going home. This, my friends, is Girl Fantasy Football. How can this be, you ask? Allow me to explain.

A couple of weeks ago, I had the opportunity to sit in on a "live" Fantasy Football draft. My husband and his buddies all gathered at a friend's house (and they all arrived PERFECTLY on time I might add). Perfectly on time, super serious, and yet unabashedly giddy.

Now, when I say giddy, I'm not kidding. Guys walk in screaming things like

"What happened to your f%#$ing eyebrows?"

Ah, yes. Welcome to my world. I'm sitting here basking in not only The Real Housewives of New Jersey but my new, new favorite show: Hard Knocks (on HBO), which chronicles the 2012 Miami Dolphins training camp. This, I promise you, will explain my slightly offensive blog title.

I've come to realize that girls love a good backstory. Don't just show me a bunch of dudes running into each other over and over again on Sunday. Tell me that #27 used to be homeless and that that Coach over there likes to cross-dress. Woah, I'm sorry, I just woke up. Pass me a beer!

Here's how it goes down...it's a strange mix between

NEW 2012 Victorias Secret NFL and College duds

Ok, so apparently the last line was a little too girly, glittery, and said the word PINK 567 times. Too much. If your stuff fits well and fills a hole in the market, DONT MAKE ME WALK AROUND WITH THE WORDS "VS PINK" ALL OVER MY ASS. Thank you. Here is a sample of the new line. Slim, fierce and very, very "un-pink." I approve. My only other suggestion:

Ev and Ocho's 41 day marriage

Not just the marriage, but the job and show too

Perhaps somewhere at this very moment, Kim Kardashian is breathing a sigh of relief. Now her 72-day marriage to Kris Humphries makes her look great.

Evelyn Lozada of 'Basketball Wives' fame is filing for divorce from Chad Johnson (formerly known as Chad Ochocinco) after only 41 days as a result of a domestic dispute that happened over the weekend.

In case you haven't heard, the story goes something like this: They got married on July 4th, 2012 (as in last month), Chad legally changed his name back to Chad Johnson. The stories then differ slightly but at some point during the weekend, Evelyn found a receipt in the car for condoms and confronted him about it. (According to radaronline.com, a 30 year old named Beverly Shiner claimed she had an ongoing affair with Johnson from January until May.) Arguing ensued and then, allegedly, Johnson head-butted her in the face after which she ran to a neighbors house and called the police. She had what appeared to be a
3" gash on her forehead and was later taken to the hospital to have it treated. Johnson was taken into custody and released on $2500 bail. For those of you who watch Basketball Wives like me, weren't particularly shocked by this as we've witnessed Evelyn throwing wine bottles, hopping over tables to pounce on her castmates and just being really aggressive in general. As for Johnson, well, he's a cocky A-hole who plays professional contact sports for a living. That sounds like a recipe for disaster to me!

Now, not only was this a terrible thing but later that day the Miami Dolphins also released (fired) him from his position and VH1 cancelled the upcoming show "Ev & Ocho" (which was already completed).

Stay tuned tomorrow to find out how this fiasco has now made me a fan of the show "Hard Knocks" on HBO. I can almost guarantee it will be your new favorite, too. It's basically a reality show that documents the Miami Dolphins training camp. My husband has been wanting me to watch it for ages and when I found out that Chad and Ev were prominently featured on the pilot episode, I was IN! Wait until you hear all of the juicy stuff that comes outta that show. I kept having to make Mike pause it because I couldn't write that fast! Seriously, it's that good.

Until tomorrow! 

I've been MIA...as in Miami!

for my girls weekend! Sorry you haven't heard from me, but my two best friends and I were living it up in Miami. I'll be back Weds, Thursday and Friday this week so stay tuned!

Makeup and the Olympics

Or...a list of the hottest female Olympians.

Let me explain.

Alex Morgan USA soccer

Since football is a ways off and I find myself pumped up over sporting events these days, I've decided to take a brief Olympic detour.

I was watching the Olympics last night (and the last bunch of nights, to be honest), and I couldn't help slipping into Girl-Mode.

We've had a full week of the swimmers: Michael Phelps, Missy Franklin, etc, etc. The guys distract us by not only being good-looking but also simultaneously being freakishly tall, strangely triangular, in-shape specimens of the human race. No complaints here. The girls on the other hand...I hate to say it but no one--no girl, really--looks spectacular with no makeup and a swim cap and goggles on. The fact that they even try to wear earrings BOTHERS me. Really? Not even waterproof mascara and you're going with the pearl earrings tonight? Hmmm. Really? I have no Olympic experience but my experience as a female tells me that I'd way rather be sporting eyelashes on national TV than big, chunky earrings that might, in fact, slow me down considering that I am legitimately considered half dolphin at this point in my career.

Leryn Franco- Paraguay, Javelin

Ok, but that's just me. Maybe, just maybe, you--like me--saw the beginning of Track and Field and it dawned on you, too.

Yes!! Makeup!!

These ladies are sporting lashes, eyebrows, eyeshadow, gold chains, hair bows (?!) all in the name of being the fastest chick on earth. Listen, I'm happy to see the effort. If you spend 4+ years learning how to run/swim a really short f#@%# distance, well then look good, dammit!
It really begs the question of why certain waterproof makeup companies don't take this as the opportunity to market their fabulous products to certain homely-looking, wet Olympians?
I'm just sayin'.

Ivet Lalova, Bulgaria, Track and Field

I took it upon myself as your faithful servant to figure out who wears makeup and who doesn't at the Olympics. However, during my research I decided that we all know who does and doesn't. Gymnastics-yes, Track-yes, Swimming/Anything in the water-No, however I think Synchronized Swimming---yes? In any case, my search ended up being more about the hottest female athletes and who am I to keep these ridiculously great pictures from all of you. Indulge...pretend it's Us Weekly and they all have reality TV shows. Ommmmmmmmm.
Until next time!

Weird Olympic Rituals

Eau de Saliva??

So did anyone see this last night? Runner Leo Manzano licked his finger and put it on all of his pulse points. I was sitting there saying, "What the Hell is he doing?" As all girls know, this is where you apply perfume. And let me tell you, spit perfume just sounds weird. The rumor is that he was stimulating acupuncture pressure points. Strange.
And what about that swimmer who slaps himself red before a race? He says it helps "awaken the body." Well, okay.
Read about more strange Olympic rituals here, including what Michael Phelps listens to on those headphones!!

Until next time...

Schedule, schedule, Wherefore art thou, schedule?

Kickoff 2012...it might look something like this

Ok, so since I'm committed to writing three times a week this season, I'm thinking that I owe you some extra special knowledge. I mean, as much as I try to deny it, I realize that I have to know more than my readers now. I need to anticipate your needs, your wants, and your questions. The only way to do this is to simply tap into my inner eager-to-learn football fan (or in this case, just my lazy inner football fan) and start from scratch. First thing I want to know: When does football season start? This, I should know. However, like most of you, I don't. So let me tell you guys...it's a lil rough out there for someone who has a few simple questions about football. This is why I started Chick 101! 


My thought process went something like this: "Hmmm, I'd better know when football season starts. I'll begin there, I shall! And henceforth, everything else shall fall into place. (Apparently I'm thinking in an Old English dialect these days. That's not worrisome or anything.)


I shall Google, "When does football season start?"!!! This will be an easy search. 


Alas, no.


First thing I get is one of those Yahoo Answers forums. You know the ones, where someone asks THE WHOLE WORLD a question and random people write answers. And then you read them and totally think they're accurate...until you get to the bottom and they start to contradict each other. And sometimes they are illiterate. And racist. And that's funny because I wasn't even searching about people?? And then you have to re-Google. 


Next, I clicked on the link to the NFL.com website re: schedule. It's so f*&^%$ randomly confusing for no reason. Here are a bunch of tabs. Oh, here's one..."The Senior Bowl"!!?? Dude. Old dudes playing football? Huh? Totally distracted from my mission. I click on it. 


Complete gyp. They mean seniors in college. Duh. MIS-leading, people. Misleading! And all this is besides the point, what is the schedule!?!? 


Well I'm happy to report that I finally figured it out...with no help from any sports enthusiast websites I might add. This is what I wanted to find but couldn't find, so I'll do it myself and share it with you all. Easy. Simple. Just the facts. 


2012/2013 FOOTBALL SEASON SCHEDULE: 
(And more stuff to know, a la Chick 101.) 


**APRIL 26TH-28TH, 2012: 
NFL DRAFT was held at New York City's Radio City Music Hall. With the first pick, the INDIANAPOLIS COLTS selected QB ANDREW LUCK from STANFORD. You should know this. 


**NOW: 
PRESEASON STARTS. It already has. Don't worry about it. Go about your August vacations/lazypants couch time business and just gear up. I CANNOT be bothered with this crap.


**SEPTEMBER 5TH, 2012 (WEDS): 
1st GAME OF SEASON/KICKOFF
It's a Wednesday. Just to throw you off. Don't let this happen to you:
Guy: "Football season starts today! Wooooo!"
You: "Wait, today? It's a Wednesday! I knew it was soon, but...today? I needed at least a week to mentally prepare for the NFL to take over my house/public dining areas/whole life for 5+ months!"
Consider this your warning. Wednesday, September 5th. Cushion the blow by calmly saying to your dude, "Crazy how this year the season opener was moved from its traditional Thursday night spot in order to avoid conflict with the Democratic National Convention, huh?" 
Mess with them. It's fun.
(The defending Super Bowl champions, the NY GIANTS, are hosting the DALLAS COWBOYS at 8:30pm ET.)


**DECEMBER 30TH, 2012 (SUN): 
LAST GAME OF THE REGULAR SEASON
Not to be confused with "The End of the Season." That comes later.  
**JANUARY 5TH, 2013 (SAT): PLAYOFFS START
**JANUARY 20TH, 2013 (SUN): CHAMPIONSHIP GAMES
**FEBRUARY 3RD, 2013 (SUN): SUPER BOWL SUNDAY
Held at the Superdome in New Orleans, Louisiana. This is really far away. More on this later. 


And now I feel slightly less confused and ashamed. Bring it. 
Until Monday :)

Football heels. Highly impractical but SO cute.

Came across these the other day...recently launched by Herstar, these Women's Pigskin Football High Heels are hilarious. Of course they didn't make them comfortable and sporty. Instead they went with 5" platforms on a spindly little heel. So, unless you're sitting at the sports bar or at a Super Bowl party, they are pretty much ridiculous. BUT, I like the thought! Let's get more and more creative with our football gear, ladies! We CAN look cute and sporty all at once. Herstar, let's get creative with wedges, shall we? These, sadly, will never survive grass at a BBQ, beer and trash at a stadium, or walking....anywhere. But it's a start!